WRITING
freewrite, 07.03.2025
slip of light
obstructed breath
garbled prayer
desperate friction
another shudder
private gore
i don't know who's more feral -
me, tightening the plastic,
or you, begging me to do it.
let's agree to disagree -
the line between what i am
with you and what you are
without me is more like
a venn diagram
i am not a trustworthy person
i don't deserve the way you
want me around
you want me to keep choking you -
even if you say no
even if you start to cry
even if your fear is real
- until you tap out.
every time, i'm worried we're
causing irreparable damage to
the way we love each other
or,
all i know is how to hurt you
all you know is how to bleed
∆
PROMPT via Muse Ariadne: Write about a worldly place that is a threshold for you. This can mean anything - maybe it's some place between end and beginning, forward and backward, past and present, here and there, friends and lovers, or something else entirely!
I FEEL SAFEST AROUND OTHER CRIMINALS
the camaraderie of an open secret, the mutual acknowledgement of risk, the relief of rebellion, the comfort of community, the normalcy of anecdote, the network of triumph, the sharp joy of escape, the rawness of release, the cyclical humor of operational security, how i'm not the only one in the room who thinks these lights look too much like sirens, how i'm not the only one in the room who knows what those lights look like from the inside
field notes, 04/2024 - 08/2024
working on my end game, tough convos, intentional trinkets, unfettered spit, a new word to describe myself, a terrible sinking feeling, finally a good trip, cooking for myself and others, waiting around, cat-naps in the warm breeze, boots getting grosser, undelivered gifts, sweating despite texture, linear time mishaps, some new skills, making lists just to cross things off, it's getting easier to cum, it's getting harder to leave
intimate danger
in my nightmare, i
am unmasked at a wedding.
i hide my face and
hold my breath. this dream
isn't about illness, it's
about exposure.
we are always in
immediate danger, risk-
-ing each other's lives.
we are always in
intimate danger, bodies
that begat disease -
i kiss you and that
kills someone else. lying won't
keep each other safe.
which is to say that
every time we kiss, you put
yourself in danger.
or, knowing me has
always been risky, and was
it ever worth it?
let me be honest
for once - i haven't been. let
me try this again -
the only thing they
know about me is the way
i ran out on you.
the only thing i
want is a drink. can we leave
soon? i'll even drive.
*
i want what doesn't want me / i can't have what i don't ask for / i can't ask for it if i don't know what i want
In Defense Of Death...
friend of a friend I haven't met yet.
the ultimate bogart,
the forbidden orgasm,
the worst prank ever.
g-d's final five-finger discount,
inventor of the last-minute prayer,
Bic'er of the light inside.
so what do we owe ourselves to now?
no terrible goal,
no distant relief,
no belabored dread.
nothing but an eternity of the unknown.
nothing but the uncertainty of forever.
∆
PROMPT: Scientists have discovered the secret to immortality. Write a petition to save the event of death.
Pray on it // prey on It
my problems are questions
i am an obvious pleasure machine
my heart once drunk to speak
so now i have nothing new to say
this intimate thing
absolute and magic
a little fire explores
and this laugh lingers
yes, i believed in their power
don't you remember?
we were touching like lavender
that night we survived
*
to fall asleep, she took out a gun. she drank his arms. she walked out of the rain. the blood drained from the milk. he drove on through the night. she lit a cigarette and lied to the police. she thought about him until he said goodbye. she dialed and waited for him to beg. all of her friends remembered his naked body.
VENUS IN TAURUS
i left after she
came. already planning on
lying at home, too.